lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
