too bad you live with your parents still
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
