well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
