you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize