just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
