So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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