i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
