Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
