i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
