My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
