At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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