I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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