I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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