Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
