First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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