YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize