Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just pee around me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
