I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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