I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
