I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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