Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
