Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
