I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
