note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He kissed a someone with a penis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
