4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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