I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
