I'm gonna have a badass scar
her vagine was all disorganized.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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