So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
