Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
