There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
