we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
