You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
