Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
