So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
