3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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