I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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