You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize