if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I deserve this hangover.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
