you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
