you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
