Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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