i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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