i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I smell like Dick and happiness
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
