Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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