I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
