And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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