kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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