That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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