My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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