I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize