I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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