He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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