your room smells of hookers.
And success
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
