you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals