Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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