Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
