You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
