And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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