Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
