You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
