Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
