the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
