Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
