Pregnant stripper...not hot.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
