Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
