I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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