dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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