We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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