I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
