Apparently you make a good broom.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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