what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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