i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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