Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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