like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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