some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
