She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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