I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
